Also this week I gave my dying testimony. Now Soeur Lusty got it on video so that mom can see it when I get home, but I figured i'd write it to you guys, because it was probably the biggest thing of my week. It was really weird to be standing up there being that missionary. I dont feel like it was right, and it broke my heart a little bit to be giving it. But here it is, almost word for word, :)
'I know everybody says this, but I cant believe i'm doing this. For you blues and those at the beginning of your missions, I know you think this day will never come, but one day your going to be standing up here giving your dying testimony, your going to have your flight information, and your going to hate it. Its the worst feeling.
This last week I thought a little bit about what I wanted to testify about, and one particular experience kept coming back into my mind of something that I went through on my mission.
At the beginning of my mission I was obedient, I did missionary work and was doing fine. The language was slowly coming and I liked my companion. But I can honestly say that I hadn't changed that much. I was being obedient to the rules, but me as a person hadn't changed. And it took me until I had been in the mission about 6 months to find out why.
I received some bad news from home and I got to the point where I just wanted to go home, I didn't see a point in staying on the mission.
And so I had a meeting with Soeur Poznanski, and she was a little bit sassy. And was like 'have you prayed about this soeur Jackson?' And I was like 'Soeur Poznanski I say like 14 prayers a day, yes i've prayed about i'. And she was like 'Are you praying with a real intention?' And honestly, I hadn't, my prayers hadn't been sincere to the Lord. And I hadn't been relying upon the Lord, i'd been completely relying upon myself, which on the mission is not something you can do.
You can try, and you can be obedient, but when your just relying upon yourself and not the Lord your not going to change. Your not going to be changed by the mission, and your not going to feel the same spirit.
So that day I kneeled, I said my prayer to the Lord, I told him I couldn't do it. For the first time on my mission I told him I couldn't do it and I needed him. Thats that moment where I started changing.
I just want all of you, not to have the same experience because it took a hard hard experience to bring me to my knees. But I want all of you to learn from me and learn to rely upon the Lord cause you really will feel the spirit in such a different way, and the mission will change you, and you'll love every minute of it.
And i'm so grateful that I got to serve a mission for my Lord, here in France, i'm so jealous of you who have lots of time left.
I want you all to know that I know this church is true. I know the plan of salvation is a real thing, we can live eternally with our families. We can see all the people that we lost after this life, and that is the reason I am on this mission, to bring that joy to the people here in France. I hope all of you blues can enjoy the time you have here on the mission. And really let yourself grow and be changed by your misison. The mission will change you if you let it.
This is my dying testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
For my god hath been my support-
Soeur Sarah Jackson.